People who hate each other can and do manage to live together peaceably. Brewing neighbours walk past each other for thirty years. Colleagues just accept that each other are idiots. Most misogynists are not raping and shooting women. And a bigot is likely to shed his coat for a freezing child, no matter the colour of her skin. Most people most often are doing okay with each other. And this observation ought to make us very curious about why and how things sometimes become violent.